A Little Bit of Everything

Every time I post a blog, it is more for me than it is for anyone else. I write these to help me cope with what is going on in my life. If it helps other people, then I'm glad, but if not, that's okay...it helps me. Don't get me wrong, I love for people to read my blog, but it is my coping method for life. Life. Stresses. Me. Out. For reals. I let things get to me more than I should. I tend to care too much about what others think of me and I tend to care about others more than myself. Not necessarily a bad thing, but not necessarily good either. My best friend and I were talking and we came to the realization that I like to help people. I try to see the good in people and I want people to reach their full potential, so no matter how much they drag me down, I still keep them in my life to try and help them. This isn't really good for me to do. I have a lot of anxiety issues and some people that are in my life, that cannot reach their full potential if it hit them between the eyes, make me anxious and worried all the time. I see the potential these people have, I see what they are capable of, but some of those people cannot swallow their pride, grow up, and trust that God will help them with anything that is thrown their way. Excuse the rant...

Lately I have felt that I am completely unequipped for so many things that I want to do. I feel like I can't do school, I feel absolutely stupid. I feel like I can't be in relationships, I feel like my relationship with God is not where it needs to be and where I want it to be, which I need to fix. Everything is just going down hill. However, I've been reminded that God does not call the equipped but He equips the called. If He has called me to do something, then He will make sure that I can do it. I just have to depend on Him to get me where I need to be. He will speak through me, and will work through me if I put in the effort. God's grace is sufficient and He can use anyone. Look in the Bible and you will see countless amounts of people who thought they could not be used by God, but were used in some of the most amazing ways. At one point, my mom had to teach a group of teenagers in our church and she always said that she was not the person to do that. She felt so unequipped. But God had her exactly where He wanted her and she is still there today. She may not always love what she is doing, but she should be happy that God is using her to make a difference. Definitly easier said than done.

I feel like a lot of times we just need to cry. I am not one to cry very often, but when I do, it's like a river. The other day was the worst day ever! I cried for half of the day. First, someone made me very upset and angry and then school stuff got me. I literally started crying and couldn't stop for about an hour. And then when I had to stop crying, I did, but as soon as I could start again, the waterworks wanted to come. I was put in more situations that made me upset and angry and so I cried some more. This was the day that I was most thankful for my friends. They comfort me and are always there for me. I hate to cry, but sometimes it's the best thing for you. God knows what we need at every moment of our lives. He is my Comfort and my Strength. Even with the struggles, God knows what is best for us, so we need to swallow our pride, our wants, and our desires, and submit to God. We need to obey Him. I am learning that He knows what is best. No matter how hard it may be, it is benefiting you in the long run. He does not want us to suffer. He loves each and every one of us and wants to see us happy and completely in love with Him. I hope that what I do is pleasing to Him in every way possible.