Never Grow Up

Okay, so don't judge me, but I'm already listening to Christmas music. Ahhh! I'm so excited for Christmas! I mean after all, it's the most wonderful time of the year! I have always hated when people listened to Christmas music too early or even the fact that before Halloween, decorations are already out, but last night I just couldn't help but listen to it. I know you will hear a thousand times during the next two months that Christmas is  about Jesus and it is, but I'm not going to talk about that. Jesus is the reason for the season, no doubt! Anyways, so last night my awesome roommate and I went for a walk and we ended up telling each other stories of things that happened when we were little. The stories we remember are the moments that impacted our lives the most. The times of getting hurt, or getting in trouble, or having the best day ever are the things that make us who we are today.

 I was lucky to grow up in a household where my parents are Godly, Christian people who raised me in the best way possible and helped shape me to be the person I am today. I don't always appreciate my parents like I should. Coming to college and hearing how other people struggled with their family has made me so much more grateful for the family God has given me. I can only hope that one day I will be as great of a parent to my future children as my parents were to me.

Growing up is just weird. I never thought I would be here. I didn't see myself actually making it to college and becoming the person that I am today. I'm starting to realize more and more that I'm growing up. I'm not quite sure how I feel about this. I want to grow up, but then again, I don't. Growing up means being mature and making adult decisions. It means working and providing. It means taking care of yourself and possibly others too. It's a big responsibility that sometimes I wonder if I'm ready for. I'm one of the most immature people you'll ever meet. I am quite dependent on my parents even though I'm in college. For instance, a while back I had a really bad cold and had to go to the doctor. My mom has always made my doctor appointments for me and taken care of me and gotten my medicine and everything. My mom is not here with me at college so I had to go into the clinic by myself and do everything. I was a nervous wreck! Afterwards I was fine, but then I had to fill my prescription. What the mess was that supposed to mean to me?! I got my boyfriend at the time to take me and he helped me out, I felt so much like a child. That experience definitely made me realize how much I depend on my parents.This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but eventually I'm going to have to become independent and do things for myself.

Sometimes I feel like I'm almost there. I've mostly grown up and started to become more independent. I had to in order to come to college. But, it's hard because your parents don't want to let you go, and when they do, you wonder why they did. You want to feel like a child again. Sometimes, I wish I could go back to the times when there were a thousand presents under the tree at Christmas and my sister and I would stare googly-eyed at them until we felt that it was time for the parents to wake up. I want to go back to the time when my biggest worries were cleaning my room or deciding what I wanted to be for Halloween. Life was so much more simple then. However, I have learned so many things so I can only be grateful for the time I have had. We all have to grow up sooner or later, but as for right now, I think I'll choose later. I'm in the process of becoming the butterfly God made me to be, but this caterpillar stage is just a step in the right direction. God is forming me to be the person He wants to me to be and I can't wait to see all He has in store for me and all the people around me.