"The Taste of Bitterness"

Holding on to bitterness is just as bad as holding on to a grudge against someone. I am relatively good at not holding grudges. I forgive easily and try to move on as quickly as possible. The bitterness I feel however is still there after the apology and forgiveness has been established. Bitterness is not something that is easy to get rid of. Think of a food that is bitter. It’s not something water can cover. You need to eat or drink something not so bitter to cover it up. The same goes with me being bitter. I cannot just simply forgive the person and move on. I must pray constantly that God will take the bitterness from me, and help me to move on from things that are not worth the fight.

I hate fighting; especially when it is unnecessary and can be avoided. I try very hard to choose my battles wisely. There is no need to fight and argue about things that do not matter in the long run. Recently, an apology from someone I once could barely look at made things better. We were able to forgive and discuss something that had once hurt us both in the past. I am thankful for that apology. I am thankful that we are both able to now look past this. I am, however, still slightly bitter. The respect that I lost for this person is something that is going to be hard to get back. A part of me wants to say forget it, and usually, I do. Another part of me just can’t get past it. I think the things that take the longest to get over and to heal from, are the things that taught us the biggest lesson. I know that I have learned a lot from the different situations that I have been through that left me feeling bitter.

Jesus is my only Hope in getting past the bitterness and frustration that is buried deep inside me. I am aware of the way I am feeling, so that’s the first step, right?  I want to constantly justify my bitterness, but in reality I can’t. And that’s the worst part. How is God not bitter towards me? I don’t spend time with Him like I should, I am a huge sinner, and I don’t show Him how much I love Him. I’m absolutely awestruck at the fact that God forgives and loves me regardless of what I do. He is not bitter towards me; He is not holding a grudge toward me. He just forgives me and forgets about it. He loves me that much. I am so undeserving of His love, grace, mercy, and forgiveness. Even when we can’t forgive ourselves, God does forgive us. That is unconditional love.

I have been challenged to check my love tank. If my love tank was full, the love and JOY that God has given me would be overflowing to others. I would not desire to be anything but loving and kind to others. What is this?? My love tank is So. Not. Full. If it was, the bitterness would be gone, and I would have no other response than showing God’s love to others. I am working on being loving, kind and showing joy to others. It is not coming easy, but is definitely a step in the right direction. It’s okay for me to feel hurt by what has happened in the past, but the bitterness needs to go. I’m ready to let go and give it all to God. J